hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize