Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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