also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just blew my weed a kiss
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize