theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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