The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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