my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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