Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize