Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
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You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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