I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
