def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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