Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You left your phone here
Wait...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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