I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I haven't been this sober since birth.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
