I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
