y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
