youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
