so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
