return my video game
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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