I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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