She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
