Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
