i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
