I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
