Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
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Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
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He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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