So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
