I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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