if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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