I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
