And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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