An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
