Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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