I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
