i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
