Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
