I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
