I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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