If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Still dying that you shit outside
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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