you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
