I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
