i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
