i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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