so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
