meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
