I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
