that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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