White coat. Heels.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
