I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
