You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
