you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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