Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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