I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is it penis luge time yet?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
