When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
