If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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