i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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