Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
my liver is dry heaving
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
