for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
