I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
