Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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