i need an iv and a liver transplant
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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