I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
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Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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