I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
only if we run a train.
done.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
