I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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