can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
