Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
